Minegarde: Rekee Soen - Viewing Profile - Minegarde

Enosh cautiously approached the crippled bullfango, staying on the other side of the uninjured less injured one.

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ooc: Evade and (dual wield) attack the crippled bullfango.

Yes, change action to attack.

What are the injury penalties to dodging?

The Naruga hunter raised his claymore. "Then why summon us to your office in the first place? If you hadn't done so I'd kill a few Narugas and leave none the wiser."

ooc: So Enosh has only one sword now?
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Enosh steered away from the bullfango, while trying to get his sword. into one of them

~~~
ooc: Evade and (dual wield) pick up sword attack.

Criticism: The bolded italics are a bit hard on the eyes. I was turned off by the formatting a few times before deciding to just read it. Even so, it was such a pain to read that on the first reading I skipped the first two paragraphs and quickly went through the last two, taking note of only the capitalized words and the first and last sentences. As a result, I already know about each scene without having to even go through them, and I didn't feel the need to know more either.

The first thing I saw after "It was a bright sunny day in the Gungu Jungle" was

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This tells me that nothing interesting had happened. I didn't bother reading the rest of the paragraph because the next one

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also tells me that nothing interesting had happened. Then I saw

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But I also saw

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So I knew who won the fight and skipped that paragraph too.

Keep in mind that for me, trying to read the formatted text was like walking on a bed of nails - you'd try to get to your destination as fast as possible using as few steps as possible. You'd also prefer not to step on one nail at a time.

The last paragraph held my attention for a little longer. I saw "Deviljho" and "she would choose a beach!" So I read a few sentences back:

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And got an idea of what had happened. Only then did I start re-reading the story and filled in the blanks.

As for the story itself, it's not interesting enough. Rathian killed Aptonoth. Rathian killed Kelbi. Rathian defeats kut ku with two fireballs with no contest from the kut-ku at all. Rathian flees from Deviljho. It seemed rather like a flat documentary, although I'm unsure if that's your intention.

Also, when writing a narrative try to minimize "stating" words like "was" and "be". They make sentences sound stagnant.